Over at Little House in Chicago, Tess Barber pens a beautiful reflection on her experience as a (relatively) new mother sharing her wisdom and presence with other young moms. She writes:
Becoming a mom is so hard, but it's also amazing—and one of my favorite things about it is the loyal bonds of sisterhood that are forged between us as we figure it out together...[In] going to visit my friend the other day, I was passing on the compassion and solidarity that other mothers had extended to me. I am part of a chain of women, extending back as far as humanity, who choose to use our powerful gifts to strengthen the bonds between us. I've been blessed with the most incredible community of mom friends and I felt honored to share with her what they have shared with me.
Women have been teaching each other the secrets of caring for children and tips about how to carry baby while making dinner for generations. But there is something so special and personal about building this sense of support in a modern context that can be so deadeningly isolating. Her unofficial ministry of being present in the lives of moms getting started with their new baby helps establish a true - and rare - sense of authentic solidarity.
Contemporary middle-to-upper class couples and families have unprecedented mobility and flexibility in pursuing their careers or passions, but with that mobility comes the trade-off of losing the roots of extended family and friends in close proximity. Lower-income families, even (or especially) if they raise their children in the community where they grew up, often don't have the stability of good examples, role models, or mentors to help them transition into parenthood. On both ends of the spectrum, having someone to walk with you during your first, most fragile months in adjusting to parenthood is a luxury - and one that is sorely needed.
We talk a lot about strengthening families, supporting mothers in need, accompanying those who need a helping hand. Policymakers, non-profits, and churches all have a role to play in helping make it easier for new moms and families starting out, but as Barber reminds us, no policy change or social program will ever have the impact of entering into a personal relationship with that new mom just starting out.
Men tend to be problem-solvers - they think in terms of responding with meals or rides or schedules. Women are more inclined to offer the gift of their self - their time, their attention, their energy, simply being there to say
"I know how you feel. You're not alone."
The peace and purpose she finds in her ministry of accompaniment is an inspiration and a challenge. How many times do we take the time to simply sit, talk, reflect, share, listen? Perhaps in talking about a greater leadership role for women in society and
the Church, we can include space for their charism of "strengthening the bonds between us" by simply being present.]]>
